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[ He should have gone for alcohol not coffee. ]

... So long as you're tempered you're never going to find happiness. You will always find a justification to summon Zodiark because that's what he demands.

Any alternative solution would not be visible to you, because he'd make you blind to it. This world made that perfectly clear. You are unable to think of anything that doesn't involve his existence, and the sacrifice it requires, while under his control.

Edited 2020-08-09 21:39 (UTC)

You are correct of course. There is no way to reach a world without Zodiark while we are bound to his will, even if a thousand alternate and better paths lay at our feet, we could only choose the one leading to Him.

[His knuckles grow white in their grip before he forces his fingers to relax, and he breathes carefully, but there's a fine tremor in his hold of the cup.]

And there is more besides.

A primal cannot restore a person's life. Zodiark may have been able to stop the Sound and cleanse the planet, but reviving our fallen was never an option. And I doubt... I doubt even if Zodiark could restore their vessels that Hades could restore their souls, not untainted, not correctly.

The path we walk has been delusion and lies--

[He stops, abruptly, raises a shaking hand to cover his eyes and makes himself breathe again, the tone of his voice torn with grief.]

[ He knew it was bad but he did not realize it was that bad. So all that sacrifice is for NOTHING. He already disliked Zodiark but now? That's even worse ]

Even if that's true untempering you both is not as good an option as I initially thought. As you're experiencing right now.

[ What does he even say? Don't worry about the murder it was just kinda necessary ]

What would you have me do?

[He has to set the cup down because he has to press his head in his hands and try to breathe. Sorry for the hysterical laughter too.]

Hahahahah! Oh yes--yes do not--do not even think of untempering Hades. I am holding it together remarkably well in comparison to whatever he would experience. He is ever the more vulnerable of us.

[Says the man having a breakdown that started yesterday and hasn't really stopped.

He tries to breathe but the sobbing giggles make it hard so it's a minute or two before he's composed enough to answer, just giving up and flopping backwards in the bed to stare blankly at the ceiling.]

I do not know what I would have you do, Five. It is all I can do to keep my mind from fraying right now.

Ask me anything, I am at least able to answer you without delusion.

We merged soul a few times before and I'd already picked up on why exactly untempering him would be a bad idea. I thought I could simply watch over you both and ensure Zodiark would not take more than strictly required, but given what you're telling me...

I don't think that'll ever be possible.

He will keep on asking more and more of you regardless of the circumstances, won't he.

You merged hm?

...

Yes. That is the nature of a primal. To do what it is summoned for, and to feast upon what it is given. There is no end to a primal's hunger, and even those without malice will continue to drain aether to exist.

And even if he could fix things, did fix things, and all was well, we would still feel the need to summon him. That is the nature of being tempered.

First to test each other's abilities and then to help me while I was, you know ... having a time.

[ extremely depressed is the right definition but he won't say it. He stays quiet at the explanation, however. ]

And eliminating Zodiark would not work, since you'd simply summon him again and, well. We already saw how disastrous the results of that are.

Ah...

[He reads between the lines but now is not the time to get sidetracked.]

Yes. And now you see the dilemma. To truly save our star we must be untempered, for no path involving Zodiark can save it. And yet to untemper us both would render us--I cannot even think too much, on all the things we have done, I have done--

[His voice breaks and he takes in air with a sob.]

It would break us, we would die long before any success could be achieved. Even if I could manage to weather this, Hades is unlikely to.

If you leave one untempered and the other not, that would also cause issues in the long term.

I know--I know there must be some way forward. But right now my mind is too muddled to see it. And should this affect be temporary--not only will I dismiss all these concerns, I will dismiss you bringing them up. I will have no other choice.

I can think of a solution but to be honest I don't like it, and neither will either of you, tempered or not.

[ but. If it is the only one that's actually feasible, maybe he will consider it ]

Altering your memories after time traveling. Give you just enough information and time to face the end of days before it happens, and allow you to find a different solution.

No.

I told you you would hate it.

[ but it'd still be better than an endless cycle of sacrifice and suffering. ]

I don't intend on just giving up on finding a solution. I've promised I'd do everything in my power to ensure you'd save you world and I intend to keep my word.

It isn't an option.

...I know. That is why I am telling you this. And I am sorry, too, because if I lose my will to Zodiark again I will not be of much help. I do not wish to have you laboring to save two worlds.

I would like to find some solution with you now, if at all possible. And yet it is difficult to think very clearly.

My world takes priority, but I do already have a solution for it. And helping you has likely given me a better chance at succeeding.

I don't think focusing on yours until I'm able to face my sister will be much of an issue.

[ But. It's true he doesn't have any solution now. ]

Altering the laws of your world to eliminate primals and make them impossible to summon might be a solution. And I imagine it's a wish we could have your enemies make. A suggestion here and there might suffice to plant the idea.

[He laughs softly.]

Are they my enemies, Five? As I am now I don't see them as such.

But you're right. Perhaps they would make such a wish. It would save them many headaches.

I am putting you in a difficult position though, all the same. Anything we come up with that prevents the summoning of Zodiark I will oppose should I be retempered. And Hades will as well of course. I do not want you in a position where you must choose between our world and our trust.

If you believe that's an acceptable and viable solution, ask Paloma to remove this conversation from your memories.

The rest, well ... I'll see how I can handle it.

No. I considered it but as I said. I will not keep secrets from Hades as mortals do, making plots around each other's backs like that will solve things.

Even if he cannot see eye-to-eye with this, he is still our dear friend. We will find a way together. Opposing each other even as far as secrets will not lead to any outcome but tragedy,

[ he's honestly relieved that he's disagreeing, and it shows. The last thing he wants to do now is conspiring against Hades when he knows exactly what a blow this whole mess was, and he's not entirely certain he'd be able to take on the burden without breaking his own heart in the process ]

He would not put his trust and faith on someone else's wish in either case.

But you're right.

Finding a way together is the best solution, regardless of tempering.

Edited 2020-08-10 00:12 (UTC)

[And that is why he cannot do that to either Hades or Five. There can be no conspiracy. There's been enough deceit and betrayal.]

Indeed. I cannot think exactly how we will manage it but... Somehow we must.

And it must be done together.

Then I suggest you share your current resolution with him. It might not be enough to sway him fully but I think he needs to hear your thoughts on it, while they're still your own.

I will. Yesterday was not the time.

And I needed to speak to you, without him getting upset while we talked.

But I will talk to him.

[Much as he hates the idea it must happen! He's so tired and wants to cry at all times but haha one has to just keep moving.

It'd be nice to be someone who could give in to despair and just lay flat on the floor and not move. It really would.]

In the meantime I am open to any questions you think of, day or night. I do not know how long my will shall be my own, but let us assume it is temporary for now and take advantage of it.

Oh a bright note at least we know untempering can be done.

[ he's going to run his hand through the back of his head and take a few moments before he sigh ]

To be honest I wouldn't know where to begin asking. But I'll try to think of anything that might be relevant.

It's good untempering can be done, but certainly not at the price you're paying for it.

[He gives Five a fond but tired look.]

This is just the price of opening my eyes after eons of blindness. There is nothing to be done but face it. I have been nothing short of a monster for more lifetimes than I would care to count.

I cannot undo that. Even what I still seek will unmake lives, unless we can somehow separate the timelines neatly--my very existence is selfishness, a relic of a long dead people who still fights a futile battle to see them again.

The price is quite cheap for all I have done and may yet still do.

[But he definitely finds himself loathsome and disgusting and there is no way around it except, well, tempering probably.]

[ he doesn't like hearing any of that. ]

You're not a monster. And it's not wrong for you to want to see those you love again.

Regardless of what it costs.

[He smiles but has no response. He is just going to drape his arm over his face and try not to cry again as he thinks of a topic that does not make him want to die quite so much.]

I liked your dream, by the way. For all the little imperfections it was truly warm.

Well. At least you had a happy ending somewhere.

Kind of funny that my father was dead in my perfect world as well, though. I suppose my mind could pretend he cared only if he wasn't actually present.

To be honest imagining him warm and loving is almost terrifying.

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