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[ he's honestly relieved that he's disagreeing, and it shows. The last thing he wants to do now is conspiring against Hades when he knows exactly what a blow this whole mess was, and he's not entirely certain he'd be able to take on the burden without breaking his own heart in the process ]

He would not put his trust and faith on someone else's wish in either case.

But you're right.

Finding a way together is the best solution, regardless of tempering.

Edited 2020-08-10 00:12 (UTC)

[And that is why he cannot do that to either Hades or Five. There can be no conspiracy. There's been enough deceit and betrayal.]

Indeed. I cannot think exactly how we will manage it but... Somehow we must.

And it must be done together.

Then I suggest you share your current resolution with him. It might not be enough to sway him fully but I think he needs to hear your thoughts on it, while they're still your own.

I will. Yesterday was not the time.

And I needed to speak to you, without him getting upset while we talked.

But I will talk to him.

[Much as he hates the idea it must happen! He's so tired and wants to cry at all times but haha one has to just keep moving.

It'd be nice to be someone who could give in to despair and just lay flat on the floor and not move. It really would.]

In the meantime I am open to any questions you think of, day or night. I do not know how long my will shall be my own, but let us assume it is temporary for now and take advantage of it.

Oh a bright note at least we know untempering can be done.

[ he's going to run his hand through the back of his head and take a few moments before he sigh ]

To be honest I wouldn't know where to begin asking. But I'll try to think of anything that might be relevant.

It's good untempering can be done, but certainly not at the price you're paying for it.

[He gives Five a fond but tired look.]

This is just the price of opening my eyes after eons of blindness. There is nothing to be done but face it. I have been nothing short of a monster for more lifetimes than I would care to count.

I cannot undo that. Even what I still seek will unmake lives, unless we can somehow separate the timelines neatly--my very existence is selfishness, a relic of a long dead people who still fights a futile battle to see them again.

The price is quite cheap for all I have done and may yet still do.

[But he definitely finds himself loathsome and disgusting and there is no way around it except, well, tempering probably.]

[ he doesn't like hearing any of that. ]

You're not a monster. And it's not wrong for you to want to see those you love again.

Regardless of what it costs.

[He smiles but has no response. He is just going to drape his arm over his face and try not to cry again as he thinks of a topic that does not make him want to die quite so much.]

I liked your dream, by the way. For all the little imperfections it was truly warm.

Well. At least you had a happy ending somewhere.

Kind of funny that my father was dead in my perfect world as well, though. I suppose my mind could pretend he cared only if he wasn't actually present.

To be honest imagining him warm and loving is almost terrifying.

Terrifying in what way?

[His voice is gentle but not judgemental.]

In the if I ever saw it I'd imagine he was replaced by a demon sense.

[He snorts a soft laugh.]

A demon might have been warmer.

But part of you still wishes he had been so. That is not odd.

Maybe, but reality was what it was.

[ he sighs ]

And all I'm left with is the knowledge he was right and I was too arrogant to listen.

Is that really all you are left with? I grant you, you lack closure.

Well.

I can also distinctly hear his voice in my head telling me "I told you so".

Even if he weren't dead I'm not entirely sure how I would face him. And it doesn't matter anyway, because he'd hardly care.

It matters to you, to resolve your feelings on the man. I do not think the matter of having a bastard of a father ever really leaves someone, but it is common enough many have found ways and methods to come to some inner peace with it.

I thought I already had.

[ but evidently he was wrong. ]

But I don't really want to talk about this particular topic right now. Another time, maybe.

Very well.

There are plenty of other things that are tiring or emotionally exhausting or otherwise unpleasant to discuss. Which would you like to choose from next?

[He is joking, sort of.]

We could put suggestions in a bowl and then just draw them randomly at this point.

[ There's a pause, and then he adds ]

You know I've killed more people than I can count too. And I wasn't tempered.

[He sighs.]

I did not mean to imply you were a monster Five.

You do labor to end the apocalypse but in your world nothing comes after, no new life, no hope. The deaths you have caused are, as I can tell, calculated--a grisly math but still a logical one.

You have not lived beside and shared the lives and hopes and dreams and loves and art and triumph and tragedy of the people that followed you, and decided still to slaughter them wholesale, just to see your family again.

Mayhaps you will claim you would anyway, but given the gentleness of your heart I wonder if sentiment would not sway you to accept people instead. Neither of us will really know.

I know. I was just going to say that I would have no room to judge you, but I won't deny that putting it like that does make my actions feel irrelevant.

[He snorts a little and reaches up to put his hand on Five's head.]

Not wholly. We both understand each other far too well. Our perspectives align and out logic.

But I am afraid, as in all things, I am quite ahead of you in scope and scale of transgressions. I do hope you never attempt to catch up.

Not if I can help it.

[ he won't voice that he would if he thought it necessary, however ]

We could talk about how you clearly need more sleep next, though.

[He smiles you don't need to voice it Five he knows. But he does wonder if Five really could.]

We could, but I am afraid my mind is much too active. Only Hades's soothing kept me in dreams.

I can afford to lose sleep now and then. Especially now.

Then you can pick whatever else you'd like to discuss. If you're mind is too active we can put it to use.

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