[He laughs at the first comment, then sits a respectful distance from Valour and takes a deep breath.]
Correct. When I arrived here, I was immediately put on the defensive. I was startled and angry, and I am ashamed to admit that made me more than reasonably petty and spiteful. I did not give you the respect you deserve when we discussed this before. So I would like to approach it again with a clear head, if you think there is anything to be gained.
[ That ... is not something he ever expected. And it shows on his face how surprised he is, but he's not going to miss this opportunity and TECHNICALLY it's been 7 days, his forced vacation is over ]
Well, me being an asshole probably didn't help matters, but I'm glad to hear you'd like to discuss the matter once more.
Though I am curious what brought about this change of heart. Is it really our relationship?
I would have agonized over it no matter what, to be honest with you. I know they are not the monsters I accuse them of being, in their true hearts. I do not want to hurt anyone simply to appease my own grudge..
But, yes, you are the chief motivator. You and Vergil. Without you, I could take the tempering as justification to stay the course. But... I do not wish to see a future where I have destroyed those I love, or forced them to destroy me. I have been the cause of enough death amongst my comrades. And the both of you deserve better, if I am to call myself your friend.
[ Oh. He can't help the suspicion, to the back of his mind, that maybe this is an attempt to gather information on their plans. It's hard to discard the thought after their conversation, and he's aware if he were in Thancred position he likely would do just that.
But.
He doesn't think Thancred is lying, and maybe this time it's his turn to place faith in someone without being certain it won't backfire. Hopefully Thancred is less shitty than he was with Noah. ]
... I don't know what to say to that.
But I'll admit I never want to have to kill someone I care for ever again. So if you'd like to reconsider your stance in light of that, well ... thank you.
[ he's going to try to gather some of his composure back at that, and as he did last time, he'll take out pen and paper to start writing ]
I have a contract in place to prevent myself from speaking about these plans, to avoid Taisho ever finding out. They're my primary concern, given that Auracite was on our Unit.
[ "As you know the original plan was to move onto a separate timeline. One that will not affect yours in any way. This would allow your continued existence, and it will also save those who've lost their lives during the Final Days. Rather than continue with the rejoining, traveling back in time would allow us to bring everyone back. Nobody would have to die and suffer for an extended period of time and things will simply go back as they were." ]
[The contract, that is. He'll read what's written and digest for a moment, running a hand nervously through his own hair.]
Yes. I thought on it, and given G'raha Tia's continued existence after changing the fate of the First, there is a very real possibility that absolutely no lives would be lost at all. My only concern lies with their mental state. Should they remain tempered, no amount of forewarning will save them from repeating their mistake. They will find a reason to summon Zodiark again. But when Lahabrea was not tempered, he was so miserable as to wish for death. What do you intend to do about that?
I cannot share any details regarding that without first discussing this matter with Lahabrea and Emet-Selch. I have promised them both that I will not scheme or plan behind their back and that every step we take from here on will be with their full knowledge and consent.
And though I do trust you, after the arrangement with Noah fell through and what happened in that reflection of Amaurot it's possible they will not be inclined to do so.
But I will say that this specific problem has been on my mind, and that I have no intention of letting their world be destroyed by a god after everything they've been through. It will belong to them and them alone.
That is all I needed to hear. The details, though I would of course prefer to know them, are not necessary at this stage.
[He pauses, trying to put his thoughts into words in a way that doesn't promise too much, while also not dismissing the chance of a positive result.]
...I am still wary of them and what damage they may cause, be it by their own will or no. But I will promise that should you reach a solution that preserves both their home and mine, and in which they are not beholden to their god, both G'raha Tia & I will cooperate, and will attempt to earn the cooperation of our fellows. He knows I intended to ask, and agreed to this much in advance.
Our word may mean little to them, but I do hope it means something to you, as it is you I swear to. I have made many mistakes, but I will not knowingly betray a friend.
To be honest it's what happened in that fake world that complicates matters the most.
But I'll see if I can convince them to trust you. I do know they both would rather go for the path that requires the least amount of bloodshed and as I mentioned, I would also rather avoid killing people I care for.
[ there's a pause as he considers whether to say more or not, and in the end he starts fidgeting with his ring, an obvious nervous gesture while he tries to gather his words ]
I know I already thanked you but I cannot understate how important this is for me. That you'd be willing to at least work toward a solution.
I want their happiness, obviously, but I do intend on joining them in Amaurot once my siblings lives come at their natural end. If I have eternity to look forward to and endure I'd like the chance to live peacefully.
[He has consciously avoided wondering about that ring so far, but he sure is glancing at it now. Hm. HMM.]
And of course I want that opportunity for you. You deserve happiness, and difficult as it is to admit, so do they.
If they wish to hear it from my own mouth, I will make my case whenever they like. In fact, with the stipulation that you are the mediator, I would be willing to put it in writing. I see no reason I would change my mind at this point.
I will ask him about his own willingness to sign, then. Whether G'raha does or not, however, I will. "I swear not to unduly obstruct a reasonable plan on pain of my head falling off", and whatnot. If they will take it.
...And, Valour? Thank you for trusting me. I know that it is hard for you to let others close. That you would call me your friend even when I threaten your desired future is truly an honor I do not deserve. But it makes me very happy, nonetheless.
[He reaches over to give a friendly shoulder pat, then stands and stretches.]
Now. Can I get you something from the kitchen while you're here? If you have anything else in mind to discuss we might as well get comfortable, but I also wouldn't mind just relaxing with you a bit.
I never want to hear the word "Relax" for the foreseeable future. Regardless of forced interruptions I did my full week of vacation and that's enough relaxing for a lifetime.
[ nevermind that it was more like 3 days ]
I'd like a cup of coffee. But admittedly there isn't anything in particular that I wish to discuss at this time. I said I'd like to rely on you should I need a listening ear but to be honest, I do tend to talk about anything that might sincerely worry me with Lahabrea, Vergil and Emet-Selch first.
And there's only so much talking I can do before it starts to feel excessive. But I won't discard the value of a different perspective so there is something I'd like to ask you, actually.
[He is not a culinarian and he is a tea person, so it will not be up to snuff! But he's also a nerd who wants to be useful to his friends so after Five complained in his live he has absolutely researched coffee.
Which is to say he's probably got a french press in there and has already burnt himself at least twice figuring it out! But he will come back in five minutes or so with two mugs of hot, black, mediocre-but-not-disgusting coffee, one of which he hands over.]
[ He'll take the cup and take a sip and despite it being just mediocre he is clearly impressed ]
If it makes you feel any amount of satisfaction it's better than Emet-Selch's first attempts.
That said. There's no delicate way to put it so I'll skip directly to the point. I am constantly suppressing the urge to kill anything and anyone I come across and while our recent game at the Hotel was the only instance in which I let my control slip it has come to my attention that perhaps that's not as irrelevant and not worthy of attention as I initially thought.
[Being better than an ascian at anything is a big ego boost, ngl! ...Of course he knows he's been trying it for a few days and this may not count but he's still pleased with himself.
He's distracted from any preening, though, by the actual topic of conversation.]
I would certainly consider it relevant, yes. And concerning at that. Have you always felt that way?
I'm amnesiac and so I cannot find a point of reference.
While in this place, yes. In my memories there was an absence of any feelings like that before and during my time in the Apocalypse.
But every memory after I left does have that to the back of my mind. Emet-Selch has suggested it is a possible result of the way I grew up, and of course my time in the commission. It is true that I've had to survive for all of my life, and I do sleep with weapons. It may simply be a defense mechanism.
Lahabrea believes it is possible I was tampered with. That wouldn't be strange for the commission.
That was the organization you worked for and loathe so much, yes?
[Hmmmmm...]
There are those, in the world I hail from, who study ailments of the soul, but I am under the impression your world is quite different. I know not what may have been done to you, but I would wager it more than simply your upbringing. I have known my share of people who have spent their lives looking over their shoulders, myself included. Some, yes, can become emotionally unstable when faced with a life of violence, but you seem far more rational than any bloodthirsty madmen I've come across.
You are that. But in my experience, most who crave bloodshed so strongly also relish it, which you do not. Regardless, that you do hold it back is impressive. I apologize that I have precious little to offer in the way of relief.
That's fine. I did ask for a point of view, not a solution. And I hadn't thought of tracking the time in which it started before, so you did point out something useful.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ going to sit down next to Noah's body pillow then ]
So. You said you wanted to discuss your opposition to Emet-Slech and Lahabrea.
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Correct. When I arrived here, I was immediately put on the defensive. I was startled and angry, and I am ashamed to admit that made me more than reasonably petty and spiteful. I did not give you the respect you deserve when we discussed this before. So I would like to approach it again with a clear head, if you think there is anything to be gained.
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Well, me being an asshole probably didn't help matters, but I'm glad to hear you'd like to discuss the matter once more.
Though I am curious what brought about this change of heart. Is it really our relationship?
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But, yes, you are the chief motivator. You and Vergil. Without you, I could take the tempering as justification to stay the course. But... I do not wish to see a future where I have destroyed those I love, or forced them to destroy me. I have been the cause of enough death amongst my comrades. And the both of you deserve better, if I am to call myself your friend.
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But.
He doesn't think Thancred is lying, and maybe this time it's his turn to place faith in someone without being certain it won't backfire. Hopefully Thancred is less shitty than he was with Noah. ]
... I don't know what to say to that.
But I'll admit I never want to have to kill someone I care for ever again. So if you'd like to reconsider your stance in light of that, well ... thank you.
[ he's going to try to gather some of his composure back at that, and as he did last time, he'll take out pen and paper to start writing ]
I have a contract in place to prevent myself from speaking about these plans, to avoid Taisho ever finding out. They're my primary concern, given that Auracite was on our Unit.
[ "As you know the original plan was to move onto a separate timeline. One that will not affect yours in any way. This would allow your continued existence, and it will also save those who've lost their lives during the Final Days. Rather than continue with the rejoining, traveling back in time would allow us to bring everyone back. Nobody would have to die and suffer for an extended period of time and things will simply go back as they were." ]
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[The contract, that is. He'll read what's written and digest for a moment, running a hand nervously through his own hair.]
Yes. I thought on it, and given G'raha Tia's continued existence after changing the fate of the First, there is a very real possibility that absolutely no lives would be lost at all. My only concern lies with their mental state. Should they remain tempered, no amount of forewarning will save them from repeating their mistake. They will find a reason to summon Zodiark again. But when Lahabrea was not tempered, he was so miserable as to wish for death. What do you intend to do about that?
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And though I do trust you, after the arrangement with Noah fell through and what happened in that reflection of Amaurot it's possible they will not be inclined to do so.
But I will say that this specific problem has been on my mind, and that I have no intention of letting their world be destroyed by a god after everything they've been through. It will belong to them and them alone.
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[He pauses, trying to put his thoughts into words in a way that doesn't promise too much, while also not dismissing the chance of a positive result.]
...I am still wary of them and what damage they may cause, be it by their own will or no. But I will promise that should you reach a solution that preserves both their home and mine, and in which they are not beholden to their god, both G'raha Tia & I will cooperate, and will attempt to earn the cooperation of our fellows. He knows I intended to ask, and agreed to this much in advance.
Our word may mean little to them, but I do hope it means something to you, as it is you I swear to. I have made many mistakes, but I will not knowingly betray a friend.
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But I'll see if I can convince them to trust you. I do know they both would rather go for the path that requires the least amount of bloodshed and as I mentioned, I would also rather avoid killing people I care for.
[ there's a pause as he considers whether to say more or not, and in the end he starts fidgeting with his ring, an obvious nervous gesture while he tries to gather his words ]
I know I already thanked you but I cannot understate how important this is for me. That you'd be willing to at least work toward a solution.
I want their happiness, obviously, but I do intend on joining them in Amaurot once my siblings lives come at their natural end. If I have eternity to look forward to and endure I'd like the chance to live peacefully.
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And of course I want that opportunity for you. You deserve happiness, and difficult as it is to admit, so do they.
If they wish to hear it from my own mouth, I will make my case whenever they like. In fact, with the stipulation that you are the mediator, I would be willing to put it in writing. I see no reason I would change my mind at this point.
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A contract might help somewhat. And I suppose I convinced Emet-Selch to cooperate with Noah before, I can do so again.
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...And, Valour? Thank you for trusting me. I know that it is hard for you to let others close. That you would call me your friend even when I threaten your desired future is truly an honor I do not deserve. But it makes me very happy, nonetheless.
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Well. I told you I found you more charming as yourself.
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[He reaches over to give a friendly shoulder pat, then stands and stretches.]
Now. Can I get you something from the kitchen while you're here? If you have anything else in mind to discuss we might as well get comfortable, but I also wouldn't mind just relaxing with you a bit.
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[ nevermind that it was more like 3 days ]
I'd like a cup of coffee. But admittedly there isn't anything in particular that I wish to discuss at this time. I said I'd like to rely on you should I need a listening ear but to be honest, I do tend to talk about anything that might sincerely worry me with Lahabrea, Vergil and Emet-Selch first.
And there's only so much talking I can do before it starts to feel excessive. But I won't discard the value of a different perspective so there is something I'd like to ask you, actually.
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[Lifting a finger in a "one sec please" sort of gesture, he steps out of the room to get that coffee going!]
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Which is to say he's probably got a french press in there and has already burnt himself at least twice figuring it out! But he will come back in five minutes or so with two mugs of hot, black, mediocre-but-not-disgusting coffee, one of which he hands over.]
Here you are.
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[ He'll take the cup and take a sip and despite it being just mediocre he is clearly impressed ]
If it makes you feel any amount of satisfaction it's better than Emet-Selch's first attempts.
That said. There's no delicate way to put it so I'll skip directly to the point. I am constantly suppressing the urge to kill anything and anyone I come across and while our recent game at the Hotel was the only instance in which I let my control slip it has come to my attention that perhaps that's not as irrelevant and not worthy of attention as I initially thought.
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He's distracted from any preening, though, by the actual topic of conversation.]
I would certainly consider it relevant, yes. And concerning at that. Have you always felt that way?
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While in this place, yes. In my memories there was an absence of any feelings like that before and during my time in the Apocalypse.
But every memory after I left does have that to the back of my mind. Emet-Selch has suggested it is a possible result of the way I grew up, and of course my time in the commission. It is true that I've had to survive for all of my life, and I do sleep with weapons. It may simply be a defense mechanism.
Lahabrea believes it is possible I was tampered with. That wouldn't be strange for the commission.
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[Hmmmmm...]
There are those, in the world I hail from, who study ailments of the soul, but I am under the impression your world is quite different. I know not what may have been done to you, but I would wager it more than simply your upbringing. I have known my share of people who have spent their lives looking over their shoulders, myself included. Some, yes, can become emotionally unstable when faced with a life of violence, but you seem far more rational than any bloodthirsty madmen I've come across.
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Though you realize I am this rational because I'm good at holding myself back.
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