[He reaches over to give a friendly shoulder pat, then stands and stretches.]
Now. Can I get you something from the kitchen while you're here? If you have anything else in mind to discuss we might as well get comfortable, but I also wouldn't mind just relaxing with you a bit.
I never want to hear the word "Relax" for the foreseeable future. Regardless of forced interruptions I did my full week of vacation and that's enough relaxing for a lifetime.
[ nevermind that it was more like 3 days ]
I'd like a cup of coffee. But admittedly there isn't anything in particular that I wish to discuss at this time. I said I'd like to rely on you should I need a listening ear but to be honest, I do tend to talk about anything that might sincerely worry me with Lahabrea, Vergil and Emet-Selch first.
And there's only so much talking I can do before it starts to feel excessive. But I won't discard the value of a different perspective so there is something I'd like to ask you, actually.
[He is not a culinarian and he is a tea person, so it will not be up to snuff! But he's also a nerd who wants to be useful to his friends so after Five complained in his live he has absolutely researched coffee.
Which is to say he's probably got a french press in there and has already burnt himself at least twice figuring it out! But he will come back in five minutes or so with two mugs of hot, black, mediocre-but-not-disgusting coffee, one of which he hands over.]
[ He'll take the cup and take a sip and despite it being just mediocre he is clearly impressed ]
If it makes you feel any amount of satisfaction it's better than Emet-Selch's first attempts.
That said. There's no delicate way to put it so I'll skip directly to the point. I am constantly suppressing the urge to kill anything and anyone I come across and while our recent game at the Hotel was the only instance in which I let my control slip it has come to my attention that perhaps that's not as irrelevant and not worthy of attention as I initially thought.
[Being better than an ascian at anything is a big ego boost, ngl! ...Of course he knows he's been trying it for a few days and this may not count but he's still pleased with himself.
He's distracted from any preening, though, by the actual topic of conversation.]
I would certainly consider it relevant, yes. And concerning at that. Have you always felt that way?
I'm amnesiac and so I cannot find a point of reference.
While in this place, yes. In my memories there was an absence of any feelings like that before and during my time in the Apocalypse.
But every memory after I left does have that to the back of my mind. Emet-Selch has suggested it is a possible result of the way I grew up, and of course my time in the commission. It is true that I've had to survive for all of my life, and I do sleep with weapons. It may simply be a defense mechanism.
Lahabrea believes it is possible I was tampered with. That wouldn't be strange for the commission.
That was the organization you worked for and loathe so much, yes?
[Hmmmmm...]
There are those, in the world I hail from, who study ailments of the soul, but I am under the impression your world is quite different. I know not what may have been done to you, but I would wager it more than simply your upbringing. I have known my share of people who have spent their lives looking over their shoulders, myself included. Some, yes, can become emotionally unstable when faced with a life of violence, but you seem far more rational than any bloodthirsty madmen I've come across.
You are that. But in my experience, most who crave bloodshed so strongly also relish it, which you do not. Regardless, that you do hold it back is impressive. I apologize that I have precious little to offer in the way of relief.
That's fine. I did ask for a point of view, not a solution. And I hadn't thought of tracking the time in which it started before, so you did point out something useful.
That would be appreciated but most of all I should ask that you be ready to take me out as quickly and efficiently as possible should I slip up.
Vergil is already aware that that's my preference. Emet-Selch also is, and has already proven to be able to go through it regardless of his feelings. I believe I can trust Lahabrea with such a request as well.
But they may not always be around, and the more people are aware of this, the better. If I were to lose control "dangerous" doesn't even begin to cover it. The only reason I wasn't as effective as I could be int hat house is because I wasn't thinking clearly.
[That's...not actually a surprising request, but it still makes Thancred frown, deeply, and tighten his grip on his mug. He doesn't like it! And yet he knows it's a practical necessity, and that he's a good person to ask. So he's not going to refuse, but he is visibly unhappy about it.]
If it comes to that, I'll do all I can to end it neatly and with all due haste.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: morning 267
Well. I told you I found you more charming as yourself.
Re: morning 267
[He reaches over to give a friendly shoulder pat, then stands and stretches.]
Now. Can I get you something from the kitchen while you're here? If you have anything else in mind to discuss we might as well get comfortable, but I also wouldn't mind just relaxing with you a bit.
Re: morning 267
[ nevermind that it was more like 3 days ]
I'd like a cup of coffee. But admittedly there isn't anything in particular that I wish to discuss at this time. I said I'd like to rely on you should I need a listening ear but to be honest, I do tend to talk about anything that might sincerely worry me with Lahabrea, Vergil and Emet-Selch first.
And there's only so much talking I can do before it starts to feel excessive. But I won't discard the value of a different perspective so there is something I'd like to ask you, actually.
Re: morning 267
[Lifting a finger in a "one sec please" sort of gesture, he steps out of the room to get that coffee going!]
Re: morning 267
Re: morning 267
Which is to say he's probably got a french press in there and has already burnt himself at least twice figuring it out! But he will come back in five minutes or so with two mugs of hot, black, mediocre-but-not-disgusting coffee, one of which he hands over.]
Here you are.
Re: morning 267
[ He'll take the cup and take a sip and despite it being just mediocre he is clearly impressed ]
If it makes you feel any amount of satisfaction it's better than Emet-Selch's first attempts.
That said. There's no delicate way to put it so I'll skip directly to the point. I am constantly suppressing the urge to kill anything and anyone I come across and while our recent game at the Hotel was the only instance in which I let my control slip it has come to my attention that perhaps that's not as irrelevant and not worthy of attention as I initially thought.
Re: morning 267
He's distracted from any preening, though, by the actual topic of conversation.]
I would certainly consider it relevant, yes. And concerning at that. Have you always felt that way?
Re: morning 267
While in this place, yes. In my memories there was an absence of any feelings like that before and during my time in the Apocalypse.
But every memory after I left does have that to the back of my mind. Emet-Selch has suggested it is a possible result of the way I grew up, and of course my time in the commission. It is true that I've had to survive for all of my life, and I do sleep with weapons. It may simply be a defense mechanism.
Lahabrea believes it is possible I was tampered with. That wouldn't be strange for the commission.
Re: morning 267
[Hmmmmm...]
There are those, in the world I hail from, who study ailments of the soul, but I am under the impression your world is quite different. I know not what may have been done to you, but I would wager it more than simply your upbringing. I have known my share of people who have spent their lives looking over their shoulders, myself included. Some, yes, can become emotionally unstable when faced with a life of violence, but you seem far more rational than any bloodthirsty madmen I've come across.
Re: morning 267
Though you realize I am this rational because I'm good at holding myself back.
Re: morning 267
Re: morning 267
Re: morning 267
Re: morning 267
Vergil is already aware that that's my preference. Emet-Selch also is, and has already proven to be able to go through it regardless of his feelings. I believe I can trust Lahabrea with such a request as well.
But they may not always be around, and the more people are aware of this, the better. If I were to lose control "dangerous" doesn't even begin to cover it. The only reason I wasn't as effective as I could be int hat house is because I wasn't thinking clearly.
Re: morning 267
If it comes to that, I'll do all I can to end it neatly and with all due haste.
Re: morning 267